Glory's Garden

All the world's a garden, you know, and we are mere flowers within it. Come, I'll show you!

Don't get any funny ideas!

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My Peeps!

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Clandestine Gardening in the Wide Open

I would imagine you'd think clandestine gardening done in the wide open isn't clandestine at all and you'd be right... most times.

Wisteria in a mass of tangled vines and weeds
I do believe you remember my Wisteria tree-- better know as the bane of my existence. Well, in past I have told you how I trim that thing three and four times each year during the growing season. I refrained from doing any such pruning this year. I just let it do its thing.

Well, I had quite enough of that, thank-you-very-much. You see, it was quite literally growing up into the nearby Kwanzan Cherry tree. I was not having that, needless to say, so I wanted to get it growing in a different way, up instead of out.
The right branch removed and cast aside

To do that, I needed to trim it at least by half before I would be happy. It was growing horizonatally with one branch way over to the right--causing trouble with the cherry tree-- and the other a bit more upright growing to the left--of course these directions are exactly opposite if you look at the Wisteria from the house. I decided to cut off the right branch entirely. In past I would trim off quite a bit, but I've had enough of this mamby-bamby way of getting this thing to behave. It needed a total refurbishing and I was more than willing to be brutal.
Out in left field

This is where the clandestine gardening comes into practice. Tom would have a hissy-fit if I told him of my plans to destroy his baby. So what that his baby wants to take over the yard and was endlessly causing me grief!

Unfortunately, Tom was not away from home when I had the notion to do this. He was, however, preoccupied in the workshop, but with the possibility that he could come through the backyard--where the offending Wisteria resides-- to go to the pole barn for parts and whatnot he could catch me at it at any time. If he did, well, I'd be totally busted.

Little more than a crooked stump

But, it needed to be done and that was that. I did my clandestine gardening in the wide open, not too much caring if I was caught or not. Have I said I hate this Wisteria? Then I'll say it. I hate this Wisteria!

So, I took a hacksaw to the right branch. Actually, I couldn't get a clear shot at it without extensive pruning before hand. I had to yank the vine out of the cherry tree, for one thing.

After that was done--oddly enough it was rather easy cutting-- I stepped back and started pruning the left branch. The more I pruned the less I liked this one branch hanging out in left field. So, I cut that one off too.

Yup. My dreaded Wisteria is now little more than a stump-- a crooked one too. Now if I could just get it to straighten up some...

I'll have to think on that. In the meanwhile, I had only just dragged the incriminating branches between
the blue spruces in the back toward the fence when Tom strolled through the yard and went to the pole barn. He noticed nothing.

How could this be? Well, he once didn't notice that I had cut off 6 inches from my hair. Took him a week. I doubt he'll notice this until next year...if at all. By then that stupid, persistent beast of a plant may look exactly as it did this year.

So, that's my clandestine gardening story...done in the wide open. Just another day in Glory's garden.


  1. haha, Glory, too funny! I have a suggestion for you, treat it like a bonsai now that it's a stump. ONLY permit growth where you want it, up and away from your cherry tree. Find a sprout on the 'far side' and allow ONLY it to grow out and away from the cherry. When it is developing, it will want to go vertical, so weigh it down with a wire and a rock or log, then when it's grown far enough, cut the leader off. It will then sprout vertically, but farther from your cherry. Grow the new leader for a while, then cut IT off at the first 'far' side branch and make IT the leader. Weigh it down and make it grow sideways, trim the branches, leader , etc. creatively until the vertical growth is far enough away from the cherry to satisfy. THEN trim off all extraneous sprouts and control the growth so the trunk becomes thick and strong. It should be cute, if you're careful, you can design a very nice, gnarly trunk-- a focal point. ":))


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