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Thursday, April 4, 2013

How I got my figure back after pregnancy without even trying

Tyler with Mommy
I’ve been there and done that. I was a sexy little thing until pregnancy expanded me beyond the perimeters of reality, but I got my body back. How? Well, it was so easy I didn’t even know I was doing it. And you can do it, too.

I stood peering in utter amazement at the child I had only just given birth to. It was my second baby so I should have been used to this process or so you would think. The thing was the twins that had been born at exactly the same time didn’t add up to my son’s 11 pounds 9 ounces. I’ll repeat that. Eleven pounds, nine ounces, one baby. Yes, even I wondered how I did it.

Everyone asked how I, a five foot two (on a good day, anyway) woman had such a big baby.  The obvious answer was very painfully.  But no, they wanted to know how I got the baby to be so big. No huge mystery there either. It was the grilled cheese sandwiches, morning, noon and night. I just couldn’t get enough of them. It was an irrepressible craving, but I don’t have to tell you about that, do I? You’ve been there, you know but perhaps you went for the Ben & Jerry’s instead. Whatever! Babies make you eat and because we’re pregnant and expected to gain weight people encourage us to eat. As if we need encouragement!

I would like to tell you I was health conscious and ate all my veggies and that I was doing some sort of exercise, but I don’t generally like to lie, even to nameless, faceless strangers such as yourself. I’m just funny that way.  Only exercise I got, besides stuffing my face with grilled cheese sandwiches, was chasing my almost two-year-old around. Unfortunately, she was a rather easy child to control, sedate and willing to sit down to read Dr. Suess so Mommy could rest. I suppose that’s how she learned to read by age three but that didn’t stop me from gaining 52 pounds. I’ll repeat that. Fifty-two pounds! On five foot two that don’t look too good.

But of course I didn’t have to lose 52 pounds. The baby was more than ten pounds so surely that cut down on the number. Strangely enough, no. I was never that great at math but it didn’t add up or subtract for that matter. I only lost half that after birth. How, I have no clue, but the point was I had a lot of weight to lose if I wanted my old and perfectly wonderful, pre-pregnancy figure back.

I was under no delusions, however. I thought I was doomed to being a frumpy, old housewife. But lo and behold, a miracle happened.  Or so I thought. The pounds seemed to be melting away without my doing much more than regular Mommy things like laundry, singing lullabies at midnight, taking walks around the neighborhood during nice weather, cooking for my hubby and eventually back to sex.

I went to the doctor for my check up and even he was impressed but the nurse took me aside and knowingly said, “You breast feed the baby, don’t you? That will do it every time.”

“Do what?” I asked bewildered.

“Breast-feeding is the best calorie burner ever. Didn’t you know that?” she said laughing at me.

Well, blimey! I do now and so do you. So, get nature’s own baby-bottles out there and nurse your baby until the cows come home, and you too will be a hot mamma in no time. That’s what they are there for after all, although my husband had other ideas. He had been so used to having his “Toys” all to himself but he got them back and that’s how baby #3 came to be.


  1. I was homeless when pregnant with my daughter, so only gained 18 pounds. Not eating will do that every time. I do not recommend it ... it depleted my health in the long run and I am paying for it now. I could have went on food stamps then, but was too proud and feared the judgement of others. Being labeled.

    I weigh more now than I did when I gave birth to her ... Well, at least I get to eat now!

    1. I gained 18lbs two minutes after conceiving! Gees-Louise, kid, how did you manage?

  2. Oh how well I remember the days...nice post, Glory.

  3. Looking at the pic you wonder which is the child :-)

    1. I wasn't that young when I had Tyler, but not yet 30.

  4. Us men do like our toys and we never grow tired of them.


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