I know it's been a while since I've been here, and I do apologize to the few people who liked my silly ramblings, but I have been unduly busy with other things...not necessarily enjoyable things but things that needed to be done. So, it's got to be something extraordinary for me to actually take the time to tell you my latest adventure...if you can call it that.
So, Tommy went to work on Halloween and when he got back home he informed me that I'm lucky to still be his wife. Seems that he could have run off with Dorothy from Oz fame—and her little dog too!-- and never be heard from again. Well, perhaps I ought to back track and clarify.
Tom went to have lunch and everyone there was dressed up for Halloween—of course. It is the second favorite holiday in America after Christmas—Until it's outlawed I suppose. Well, he was NOT dressed up as anything other than Tommy Leak detector repair guy, but that was obviously good enough to get him a date. Anyway, while he's waiting for his lunch to be ready Dorothy walks in with Toto—yes, a real live puppy short-haired terrier and everything just like The Toto! The manager of the Dairy Queen inform young Dorothy that she could not bring in her dog...restaurant policy you know.
Dorothy was devastated. I mean to be deprived of ice cream is nothing short of tragic! That is until, nice guy Tommy said, “Hey, I'll watch Toto for ya while you get your ice cream.”“Really?” Dorothy said, That's awfully nice of you! Thank you!”
He then went outside with Toto and when she came back out with her ice cream they chatted for a minute and then she said, “Can I get your phone number? You don't have a wedding ring so you're not married, right?”
“Ah, no, I don't have a wedding ring cuz I don't wear jewelry of any kind, but I'm definitely married. Sorry,” he said and he went on his way.
So he comes home and tells me about this encounter with Dorothy and asks me, “So, should I tell Gloomy Gus* that he's totally wrong and that I CAN indeed get me a girl if I want?”
“You know that would just make him suicidal...I mean even more so than he already is!” I replied.
“But he should know how wrong he is,” He said. “And that he can get someone if...”
“If he magically became a friendly, decent human who actually can go out of his way to help someone without expecting anything in return?” I said. “In other words...becomes like you.”
Tommy just smiled. “That is asking a bit much, huh?” he said. “But it shouldn't be! He just needs to...”
“Give it up Tom. Gloomy Gus is always going to be the insecure, angry, selfish guy he is and consequently he'll get no decent girl to like him for himself...for his money and money making potential, yes. He did that twice already and he can possibly do it again...and he'll be just as unhappy for the rest of his life. Good thing he doesn't think he'll live very much longer. Nuttin' you can do about it. Give it up, Babe.”
So, there you have it...my Tommy's Halloween adventure. I was almost divorced for real this time...if Tommy had liked Dorothy and her little dog more than me.
*Gloomy Gus is one of his best friends who just recently insisted that Tom—fat old man is what he actually called him-- couldn't possibly get anybody to even look at him, let along someone good looking.
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